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9 ways to get rid of unwanted thoughts
© Andrew Mason
This is about the ongoing saga of my friend who struggles with unwanted thoughts and phobias and has been given the (I think unhelpful) label of OCD.
If you’ve not seen the original unwanted thoughts article then it might be worth checking that out first…
What’s happening as he works through his problem is that actually, his progress goes in spirals — sort of 2 steps forward, one step back type of thing.
His last setback was actually caused by just one late night. Just the lack of sleep for one night has made it more difficult to stay on top. Everything affects everything else…
Anyway, over the weeks and months, we’ve developed some very simple mental “handles” for him to use when his head is swimming and he’s got “stormy waters.”
I reckon you’ve got to keep it simple because in an anxious state, it can be so hard to hold any kind of rational thought in your head.
In a crisis you need some simple ideas to try. A simple action plan to get rid of unwanted thoughts…
Crisis solutions
- Nip it in the bud. BE QUICK. The more you dwell, the harder it’s going to get. As soon as you become aware of an unwanted thought, give it no importance (a “don’t care” attitude) and then THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. Unwanted thoughts often have a shocking sense of urgency attached. Quick diversion is essential before the thought takes hold.
- Keep it simple. It is simple. It’s not easy but it’s simple. Don’t GO THERE but don’t suppress thoughts either. You cant stop them arising but you can choose to pay attention or not. Again — THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
- Don’t split your attention. Once you fully understand that your fear or unwanted thought is irrational, let go off it. There’s no constant danger, no need to split your attention between what’s happening now and being alert for danger. If you become aware of a split — if you’re aware of “thoughts always there in the background” then pay MORE attention to what you are doing, or something external like sounds or images or events happening NOW.
- Exercise. If you become anxious then you need to get that adrenaline out of your system asap. Go for a run or brisk walk ’til you calm down.
Longer term solutions
- Meditate. Regular meditation will mean you can deal with all the points above more effectively until you no longer get unwanted thoughts.
- Make a pact. Some irrational fears may still require that you are allowed to think certain thoughts around that subject. Make a pact with yourself in advance to identify what thoughts are allowed and what thought are not. You might want to talk this through with trusted friends first. This is because you probably don’t know for sure what should be allowed if you have a phobia.
- Learn! Learn your triggers that start you off on a path of unwanted thoughts Learn how other things in your life affect your ability to stay on top — sleep, too much caffeine, poor diet and so-on. The faster you learn, you faster you’ll feel well again.
- Don’t go it alone. If it gets to the point where you feel you can’t cope alone — please GET SOME HELP. These are tricky issues and you probably need supporting through it. I’ve had the same conversation with my friend about 100 times and it takes a long time for the new ideas to “get through.” It’s tough. Get help and support.
- Sort out your lifestyle. Everything affects everything else — lack of sleep, poor diet, too much caffeine and a range of other lifestyle factors all affect your thoughts and your ability to drive your own mental car.
All the best,
Mike Kinnaird
Habit Guide: How to be Happy & Healthy
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Thank you to Jesus, info very helpful I learned to not think of thought at all and give attention to what I am doing and not to give thought any attention.
The lord led me here
Have a good day!
my brother were become mad on the time when we went theire to handle him..infact instead of handling him i got some attacked of unwanted thoughts suddenly like stress..& the thougth iz like “why we all forgots everythings after did, like when we conversation & introduction with any person its forgot soon .and than why every one trying to make their name and personality while forgetting after some days.day by day becoming combining thoughts ,at the end i become fully obsessed & depressed.. bla bla bla!!.even i think sometimes that iam died infact knowing that iam not died iam alive..but cannot stop that thoughs comming on my mind..
iz thse are thoughts are belong to superstition,ocd,unwanted thoughts,panic attack,obsession ???.
sorry my eng lang iz nt good att all but i hoped you peoples must understood my statement & expression..plzz help
Hi abid,
Sounds like you have too much adrenalin. Best to exercise it away — run, swim, whatever you can do. When calm again, remove attention from unwanted thoughts as quickly as possible. Learn to meditate which will improve your ability to put your attention where you want it.
Mike
Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You’re most welcome Meagan, thanks for the thanks and good luck getting rid of those pesky unwanted thoughts! :-) ~ Mike.
Hi Mike,
I got this problem that is kind of weird. Its really stupid when you think about it, but the thought just wont leave me alone. A couple of nights ago, I had this really weird and unpleasant dream involving my dad in a sexual kind of thing. There is no real image, but just the thought of my dad in that light is sickening and plaguing my mind. I can’t get it out! ive tried to ignore it, but it wont go away. I’m really scared that it is going to intrude when im with friends or whatever because ive been thinking that that could happen. I’m not sure if this applies to your article completely, but Its definitely an unwanted thought. Please help me!
Hey Sam,
In order to let go, you need to see this as meaning zero to you. At the moment, you’ve got the opposite going on.
You’re viewing it as having some unknown but important meaning and worse, you’ve attached strong emotion and worry to the thoughts.
Adding strong emotion and meaning to an idea will massively ramp up the intensity and frequency of it showing up in your mind. Your unconscious mind is simply giving you what you told it was important by your REACTION.
So… see it as meaningless instead, even funny. Stop caring about it, stop caring why it showed up in your dream and stop caring if it shows up again because if it does, you’ll tell your unconscious mind again that you don’t care (by your attitude) and distract away.
The clearer you are, and the more consistent you are with the new attitude and the new behavior, that faster it will go away.
What you want is to FORGET and to achieve that you need to remove importance and attention.
“No importance, distract” every time, without fail. The frequency and intensity will die away until soon enough you will forget about it.
~ Mike
Thanks Mike; thats sounds like good advice :)
What exactly do I tell me myself and how do I view it in this way?
Also, I think the thought has in part turned into a simply fear that it will come up again when I’m with a girl or something and will ruin moments for me. Do I do a similar thing to ensure that I just forget about this worry?
Hi Sam,
Fear is a powerful emotion that will guarantee your continued attention to it. These are primitive mechanisms… whatever you fear, you will be reminded of very often and associations, triggers for the fear thoughts are built very quickly and easily.
You don’t have to say anything to yourself but if you want to, you can just label it “garbage.” The important thing is to simply see it as garbage, which it is. For a while the thoughts can continue to take over your awareness and hang around. They also try to dominate your attention so it can be difficult to distract away.
That’s why patience and consistency are so important. Keep solid with the new attitude and keep removing attention. Do it as fast as you can so that the thought has less time to overwhelm you and dominate your mental field.
If the unwanted thought lingers in your awareness, just see it for what it is… a thought you unwittingly gave fear and importance to… now that is playing out as it does. It’s just primitive. It’s as if a song is playing on the radio you don’t like. You don’t fight against it or pay attention to it, all this just increases your annoyance. If something is in your field of awareness you don’t want like this song, just stop caring, pay attention elsewhere. Allow it, don’t resist it, but don’t care, don’t pay attention.
Or if someone’s at a party you don’t like… the best outcome for you, assuming you are staying, is to pay no attention at all. The more aware you are that the annoying person is there, the more they dominate your awareness.
So ATTENTION and importance (how much you care) are the two key factors. Remove both from unwanted things and that is the fastest way to get rid.
How do you feel about gas pipes Sam? Have the same attitude if your unwanted thought comes and remove attention… calmly rivet it onto some object in your surroundings for a few seconds.
Be really calm about all this, because anything else is caring isn’t it… and we want “don’t care.”
Oh, and by imagining the thoughts coming when you’re with a girl and ruining the moment and by attaching fear to it, you are telling your unconscious mind “Remind me about this when I’m with a girl because there is danger.”
You are mentally building the powerful association in advance.
Atention is the volume control for thoughts Sam. Get really, really clear about this in your mind and it will serve you your whole life. You have choice and you choose with your attention.
Thanks, that does help put it into perspective :)
Will this kind of thing take some time to get rid of? I’m asking because the the anxiety does occassionally return, and I do sometimes think ‘i didn’t think about that for a while’ but then think about the anxiety. Will this be something that will return to me now Ive made such a bid deal out of it?
Thank you so much for your help :)
Sam
Hi Sam,
The time depends on how big a deal you’ve made… how much attention and importance and how long it’s been going on (how deep the habits or mental grooves are). You say “occasionally” so that suggest to me that the deal ain’t so big :-) It may return by the power of association… triggers in your environment or thoughts but all you need to do is not care and remove attention.
The clearer you are in understanding, and the more consistent you are with the new attitude and removing attention, the faster it will go and be forgotten. It’s no good not caring one minute and then the thought comes are you get frustrated (start caring). Beware all forms of attention and importance such as frustration, resistance, looking out for it etc.
This only EVER need be dealt with IF it rises up. Then have the don’t care attitude and remove attention, every single time, whenever or wherever. It’s that simple.
Thank you so much. This article was very helpful. My 29-year old son is going through this and it is very difficult. He has health anxiety and wants to run to the emergency room at all times.
Hi Cary,
Deconstruct his beliefs using reason… talk, talk, talk til he can see the dysfunction. Then use distraction to let go of the thought habits. ~ Mike
Question: How do you deal with extreme pleasant thoughts that you want to keep , and extreme unpleasant thoughts that you don’t want to keep. The subject of the thoughts being the same…
e.g: You love someone a lot and are left in doubt if the the other person loves you. So its natural, that you will get plesant thoughts about love interrupted by unpleasant thoughts where you are searching for answers to ease your doubts and you are not allowed to clarify with the other person.
I am not sure..but to me it seems that both thoughts need to let go…
Hi Raja,
I think the word love is often used when the experience is actually intense attraction and desire. True love lacks nothing and so desires nothing, is not clingy or needy. I agree about letting go. Most of the time, letting go is the best thing.
If you worry about whether you are loved in return, then you put your happiness outside your control and that is stressful.
You might be interested in this article (click link below) that goes into some detail about this…
http://www.habitguide.com/relationship
All the best Raja,
Mike
so is observing your thoughts from a distant, same as being aware of your thoughts and not paying attention..?
what about emotions..does the handling of emotions need to be done the same way..
Observing from a distance is the same as being aware. Attention is then a matter of choice ideally. Choice is not possible without awareness. For most though, attention is not choice but habit and illusion, and that’s a problem. One factor contributing to the problem is the false identification with thoughts “I think this, I am that” and attaching a sense of self to the ideas. Making a self out of an idea is mistaking the map for the land. Maps are useful if accurate but they are not the land.
Emotions can be a guide. If you feel good then move towards, if feel bad, move away. This is in general. In some situations, getting to good feelings can involve temporarily feeling bad but the aim is always to feel the best, feel good, long term, easily. Don’t make a self out of emotion either but get to good feelings by mastering attention to what feels good. I don’t mean pleasure seeking which is short term titillation but deeper good feelings… contentment, appreciation, love, well-being. Fully experience whatever you are feeling right here and now, but remove attachment and the sense of self. Just notice, be curious about your thoughts and feelings and then choose, decide, intend.
~ Mike
I need help!!!! I want to be a good Christian but can’t get thoughts out of my head. They are literally making me sick! Any Christians? Help me.
Hi Dylan, go ahead and explain your problem if you want to. I am familiar with the teachings of Jesus. ~ Mike