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Observing thoughts from a distance
Raja asks…
“Is observing your thoughts from a distance the same as being aware of your thoughts and not paying attention?
What about emotions… does the handling of emotions need to be done the same way?”
Observing from a distance is the same as being aware. Attention is then a matter of choice. Choice is not possible without awareness.
For most though, attention is not choice but dominated by habit, and that’s a problem. One factor contributing to the problem is the false identification with thoughts “I think this, I am that” and attaching a sense of self to the ideas… Read more
I am useless
Barry asks…
“I have self-esteem issues that stem right back to childhood and the relationship I had with my father. He would tell me I am useless quite regularly and I guess that has stayed with me through life. And with my wife leaving, I think it blew the lid off issues that were hidden behind a cloud of depression. All sorts of distressing feelings and thoughts are bombarding my mind. Feeling I must be different, not good enough to live etc. I am trying to use your system in Habit Guide to win the battle over these thoughts.”
Is it true that you’re useless? It’s good to ponder that for as long as it takes to see it’s a lie. Most times these are projections from the parent of their own failings, lashing out when stressed or frustrated at their kids. And then of course it becomes habit, as everything does when repeated… Read more
How to battle horrible thoughts about losing people
Maggie asks…
“Your unwanted thoughts article has been very helpful. I was just considering counseling when I came across this site, and now I’m thinking I might try to solve my problem myself again. I’m not sure how old this website is, so I hope there is still someone answering these letters from people.
My problem, in a nutshell, is this: I catch myself imagining horrible things happening to myself or people I love, even my dog. Sometimes the thoughts are so strong it feels like a hallucination. My idea of how to fix it was to understand it, conquer it, somehow reply the thought in my head until I became desensitized to it or somehow “beat” the power it had over me… Read more
My mind is out of control
Nameless asks…
“I’m plagued by unwanted thoughts every day all the time… My brain constantly sees stories and things that never happened but they’re very vivid… like having a movie in the background with the volume way up… I’m constantly in fear of getting hurt and fear of pain. Now I’ll admit this could have to do with some events in my life but long story short I am constantly on a hair trigger to snap because I’m afraid of getting hurt… but this always ends up firing off at the wrong people… Help me.”
Weed your garden
Basic info — you’ve got a weedy garden. Actually it’s well overgrown, more like a jungle :-) The analogy of mind to garden is very accurate. Thoughts are like seeds and you unwittingly plant and nurture weeds, before long you’ve got a jungle. This is the basic problem, good to know… Read more
Can’t stop thinking
Please Help asks…
“The thought is a very silly one, and what’s worse is I know that it isn’t true, but it still pops up! (As I was typing this, for example, ‘How do you know it isn’t true’ popped up, but I just ignored it.) The last two weeks have been very good, and I haven’t had any issues with the thought because I’ve been distracted with school (a sign that the thought is definitely losing some of it’s hold over me, as earlier this term even school couldn’t distract me from it.)
However it’s now the holidays and I have very important exams coming up, and I’m worried about being on my own and stuck in the house for so long because when I’m on my own the thought does tend to pop up and I can’t shake it, and this in turn stops me from being able to revise which makes me even more stressed and so makes the thought and the anxiety worse… Read more
