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How to get rid of unwanted thoughts
© deVos
By understanding all the factors affecting your thoughts, you can get really clear about how to get rid of your unwanted ones…
Attitude
Thoughts come back depending on the meaning you previously gave, depending on your attitude to the original event. What meaning did you give? How did you react?
To get rid, you must change the meaning and attitude to “don’t care.”
If your attitude and meaning is fear, you cause your mind to react in primitive ways that are meant to protect you from danger. Anxiety, the fight or flight state is a state to save your life in extreme danger, it’s not a state that’s good for logical thinking.
All kinds of fear cause our minds to react in this primitive way, but our brains are wired for nature, to react in natural wild environments where our ancestors evolved to deal with real fears, real dangers such as lions and attacking tribes.
What you fear, you will see everywhere. That’s just what fear does.
So, many of our modern fears are irrational, dysfunctional — our primitive reactions very often don’t work in the modern world. When fear is dysfunctional you must use your intelligence to see that it’s dysfunctional and override the instinctive program, by choosing to ignore thoughts, impulses and feelings related to the dysfunctional fear.
Attention
If you think a thought means something, you will give it lots of attention, but attention is the volume control for thoughts. More attention means you create a bigger and bigger network of related thoughts, associations and triggers in your mind. If your aim is for a thought to not be there, you can’t make that happen by giving more attention.
Don’t care + attention elsewhere = ignore.
IGNORE unwanted thoughts.
Beliefs
If you believe that certain thoughts are serving you in some way, then it’s harder to let go. Ignoring will always work because ignore has “don’t care” built in, but it’s much easier if you can see the thought as meaningless first.
Deconstruct belief using simple reason and logic. If you’re confused about what’s true, then ask your friends and family — it’s much easier to see the truth of a situation when you’re not the one in the mess. Once you can see your thoughts and behavior are dysfunctional, not serving you, it’s easier to ignore them because why would you give attention to something you now see as meaningless?
Problem solving
If I could wave a magic wand and make your unwanted thoughts go away, would anything bad happen? If not, it’s not a real problem and you should simply ignore every instance. Most people are trying to think their way out of unwanted thoughts, because we’re naturally wired to put more attention to problems. But if the problem isn’t real, problem solving will make things worse, a lot worse. It will grow the problem.
Once unwanted thoughts create anxiety and confused thinking, there can be a lot of unpleasant effects, and what most people do is then try to untangle or deal with these effects. That will never work, you’ll just end up with more and more problems to solve. Get to the roots of the whole thing. If it’s not a real problem, drop all thoughts about it and see related anxiety as simply an effect that’s also to be ignored.
Mood
Depression creates depressed thoughts, happiness creates happy thoughts. Lift your mood by looking after your lifestyle… sleep, diet, exercise and so-on. And make all these good things into habits so that your health is building every day.
Worries
© Coqui
One unresolved worry is a big drain. Two feels like punishment. More than that and you’re heading for out-of-control anxiety and ultimate breakdown. Resolve all worries by asking “What is the outcome I want?” “What can I DO?” Then take the actions you’ve decided. If nothing can be done, set it for review in a week, a month, so you can let it go. The point of resolving all worries is to get them OFF your mind.
Lingering thoughts
If the initial event was shock or trauma, then thoughts and images can linger. Don’t care if they do, don’t care is always the right attitude. Like a song playing on the radio you don’t like… it’s not really a problem unless you make it one. Any anger, or frustration, will only make it linger longer.
It can be hard to take attention away from lingering thoughts, it’s like they need to be noticed. So look AT it, for say, 5 or 10 secs, just non-reactive, not caring, just looking, then carry on with what you’re doing again.
One time I couldn’t get to sleep because of wind-chimes. And I just couldn’t get my mind off them. So… I decided to pay attention to them, not fight it anymore, but actually give them my full attention. I was asleep in about 2 minutes! The mind is so fickle, restless by nature, it soon got bored of the wind-chimes :-)
Personal mind power
Who’s the boss of your mind? Here’s the test: If you can stop thinking, you’re the boss, if not, your mind is out-of-control. To make sure you’re the boss, practice meditation every day, and get into the habit of flow… paying attention to what you’re doing with a quiet mind, just noticing thoughts come and go. This way, everything becomes meditation and you stay the boss.
Decisions
A decision is a powerful thought — a clear intention to do it differently from now on. Decide to ignore every instance of unwanted thoughts from now on, and follow through until they stop coming, you’ve forgotten, they are not there, and you aren’t even aware they’re not there, they’re just not there.
Doing nothing
To follow through, you must do nothing. Anything else is problem solving or attention. So do nothing about it at all, unless you become aware that an unwanted thought has popped into your mind; then ignore it. Now… go back to doing nothing about it again, paying attention to other things quite naturally.
Swirling thoughts
If things have gotten bad; too many thoughts, too many triggers, no personal mind power, anxiety, then RIVET attention. Pick activities that take your attention for long periods of time like watching TV, reading a book and so-on. If you’re very anxious, exercise is the best way to burn up excess adrenaline and return your body to a neutral state.
Commit to meditation and flow — make it important to yourself to practice these methods until you have peace of mind. The greater the disturbance in the mind, the more disturbed you are, and so the greater the need for meditation.
In a calm mind, a thought is just like a little bubble rising to the surface of a still lake, just a little squiggle in consciousness. A disturbed mind though, is like a storm at sea. With regular meditation practice, you can return your mind to a peaceful state at will and powerfully direct your attention to where you want it to be — the power of “yes” or “no.”
Subtle forms of attention
As well as the obvious attention like actively thinking about something, be sure to notice yourself looking to see if the thought is still there, holding it down (suppression), fighting it, trying to push it away. Notice if you get angry or frustrated it’s still there. Notice all forms of attention and notice when your attention gets sucked in without you noticing — when you start thinking about it automatically.
The moment you notice you’ve been doing it is your moment of sanity, of awareness. The goal is that your unwanted thoughts are not there remember, so as soon as you notice any of this, put attention somewhere else — back to what you were doing is best, because it becomes a consistent re-direct, same every time, a good habit.
Habit
by Gtall1
What you repeat, becomes automatic. Every time you think the same thought you bed it in deeper and associate with more and more sensory impulses and other thoughts. If your network of unwanted thoughts has become big, then thoughts are triggering other thoughts habitually, running on auto-pilot.
To stop it, you need to be always aware, noticing each thought pop into your mind. This witnessing state is the best state to be in, and gives you the power to choose your attention, and not be sucked in.
Good habits solve unwanted thought problems. Your mood is created by your whole lifestyle, and your habits are the root cause of your lifestyle. Nearly all problems are solved or ideally, avoided, by living right and thinking right and making all of that good habits so it’s automatic. Stepping out of thinking and into awareness is probably the best habit of all.
See Habit Guide for more details.
What to expect
Thoughts die away when ignored, you can’t just turn them off like turning off a light switch. The frequency and intensity reduce over time, and the fastest road to forgetting, is to be 100% consistent in ignoring every occurrence.
If you’ve made a habit of it, built a big network about it, been doing it for months or years, then you’ll always be able to do it. Habits are things you learn to do automatically like riding a bike, but just because you can ride a bike, it doesn’t mean you ever need to, or would choose to.
So if you ever make the mistake of giving meaning or attention again, to thought-habits you’ve got really good at creating, you’ll easily be able to ramp it all back up again. Just don’t ever get on the bike again. Be really clear about it.
It’s like you’re going to put a big fence around the whole of your unwanted thought network with a “no entry” sign at every in-road (trigger).
And when you stop caring — really, clearly, consistently — you communicate powerfully with your unconscious mind that “This is no longer important to me.”
In the end, the unwanted thoughts stop coming, you’ve forgotten.
So thoughts die away, and by consistently re-directing attention away every single time, you reprogram every single trigger and association to the new reaction, the new habit of simply paying attention to what you’re doing. Soon, no roads lead into your unwanted thought network, they’re all re-directed.
So this is very important… be utterly consistent in ignoring unwanted thoughts, totally clear about the process, giving you total faith in its effectiveness, meaning you’ll never get frustrated or impatient, and follow the new way with 100% absolute consistency.
“I just wanted to say that since I read this article I have had no issues at all. What you wrote cured me and I am totally amazed by it. I am so impressed with the results, I feel totally different and peaceful.
I have seen so many health professionals over my problems, but none has ever come close to the advice that you give. Thanks Mike you have honestly changed my life.”
John Woods, Australia
“For the last week I’ve been practicing indifference towards unwanted thoughts + quick and intense shifting of attention to anything else.
When I started doing it, I got relief in few minutes as the quality of fear associated with these recurring thoughts was gone. Within hours I found calmness and peace growing within me.
It took an initial 3-4 days to have full grasp over the method and develop some more understanding. And now my thoughts have become very much reduced in frequency, and they have lost their power and don’t trouble me anymore. And it’s all because of one technique only.
I am sharing my experiences with other people having O.C.D. on internet and telling them about your website and trying to help them as I got it when I needed it the most.
Sir, you have changed my life. and all that I can say is THANK YOU.”
Shivesh, India
FAQ
Q But what about MY thought, what about THIS thought?
A It doesn’t matter what the thought is, or what the network of thoughts are. If you don’t want it there, consistently ignore it. People think that because they are having a certain thought it must mean something. No; thoughts come back depending on the meaning and attention you previously gave. Thoughts mean what you say they mean, for a thought to not be there, change the meaning to “don’t care.”
Q Will you PLEASE HELP MEEEE!!!???
A It’s not possible for us to go into your situation in-depth or provide one-to-one coaching. But if you have any questions about how to put the advice into practice, or need clarification on any points, please feel free to leave a comment below.
All the best, and good luck!
Mike Kinnaird
Habit Guide: How to be Happy & Healthy
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i will say this
I have just really started getting alot of unwanted thoughts and emotions that i try and try to get out of my head but they will not. Like you say the more attention i give them the worse they get
The one thing that really keeps me in touch is knowing that “I” am not having these thoughts
“I” would never do or say any of the thoughts
They are just thought loops i can not get out of.
For me it is a fear of the unknown, dieing, and just quetioning reality that i cannot get rid of
I have meditated many times and i will keep at it
This is a test in life and i am going to get an A
Hi Mike,
I like this article. I’m into affirmations and have found that when I get a little compulsive about things, as we all do from time to time, if I keep doing afirmations like ‘I am free from all obsessions and compulsions’ or ‘I am free of obsessive behaviour’ really works!
Warm wishes,
Gina
i watched the film 24 days later, i was and still am a bit scared about the fact that it could happen my mates said it could and it made me worse, i could’nt sleep endless night and the shadow of a threat was growing in my mind, i did’nt feal safe anywhere i went even if it was a fair with hundreds of people, i listened more, watched more and asked my parents for reashorence, they kept and still keep telling me its not real, but it only helps a bit, i ve got to sort it out, in my heart i know that it cant happen but in my mind its telling me it is and its looking at all aspects of possibility, im scared, and im still really young.
Hi Danny,
It’s a really really bad idea to watch horror when you’re young. Your mind will experience a movie like that as if it were almost real. The younger the mind the more it experiences it as real. But anyway, the damage is done — what to do?
I can tell you that this will won’t go on long but I would would suggest keeping your mind of it as much as possible. When you remember the film, shrug it off, tell yourself it’s just the movies then substitute the happiest thought you can — maybe remember a time you felt really really safe.
Be patient, it will go away… keep your mind off it. Please please stop watching horror movies.
I don’t even watch horror or even much news which to me is even more horrific than the movies and presents a completely distorted view of reality.
In truth, most people are kind, caring people and the few that aren’t would be if they knew how.
Email me if you want to talk it through (use the contact us form in the menu bar)
Take care and good luck.
Mike.
Hi Tom,
“I have meditated many times and i will keep at it.”
I found meditation to be an amazing process. I remember a story, might of been in “The Power of Now”, not sure, where this girl was driven crazy by all this anxiety and mental noise.
Then one day she sat by the river and just spontaneously started really really noticing the present moment… the sound of the river, a flower, birds and so on.
It was almost as if the internal noise had got so unbearable it almost forced her into the present moment. And all that internal noise went away in an instant. Point is we can just choose a different focus. We can do that.
Don’t know why I’m telling you this really, I just remembered it when I read your comment.
Hope you get that A :-) Meditation sure will inject a whole load of sanity into your life.
Mike.
thanks mike i feal better, im acctualy 14. so dose that mean that it will definetly go away and that my mind is more imaginative becaus im that young?
It will go away for sure be patient and see the fear for what it is… your mind thinks there is really something to fear but YOU know it was only a movie RIGHT?
Listen Danny, I know 10 year old kids who are scared of everything because they watch all this horror that has 18 on it. Believe me that isn’t cool. It’s 18 for a reason and to be honest I hate to think of what’s going on in the heads of the people who make all this trash.
Do yourself a big big favor and be very careful what you feed into your mind.
Yes, at 14 you are less able to discriminate between real and movie but I tell you, even adults will be affected in some way by what they watch.
Btw, your mates are trying to wind you up. If they see you’re scared they’ll probably think that’s hilarious. Oh the joys of being 14 eh?
Take care
Mike
I think meditation is the BEST thing a person can do–so helpful. Thank you for mentioning that in here.
Hi. My name’s Tom too so I’ve put my age next to my name to avoid confusion :)
I read about Danny’s problem and I can relate completely. Only my problem is I’ve read some really, *really* graphic content about things that have actually happened. It’s driving me crazy. Not literally I hope lol.
I won’t say what the stuff was about specifically because it doesn’t really need mentioning. It’s nothing embarassing or anything, just extremely disturbing. Evil, actually.
A thought that keeps coming into my head is the possibility that I myself could go on to do those things. I know I can’t possibly immitate any of it and I wouldn’t try to anyway! But logic doesn’t seem to be changing my mindset.
And of course the fact that the material was very real doesn’t do me any favours. It just makes the image stronger. I know it will all probably go at some point but I’d like to get to that point as fast as possible.
I know 16 isn’t really a mature age anyway. But this stuff was for public viewing! Well I don’t know who’s brainstorm that was but I’m seriously considering trying to get it removed.
Thanks and best wishes
Tom (the other one)
Hi Tom16
Are you saying that anyone can see this stuff — even young children? I hope you do try to get it removed.
It’s quite sad to me that children’s innocence is taken away by all this sick stuff. I do believe it has wide ranging damaging effects on individuals and societies.
I understand how your mind has now new possibilities that it’s exploring now you’ve seen this stuff and that is very very sad indeed.
Although you might well be conscious enough to see these thoughts for what they are, what about others? There will be some who do end up acting this stuff out or becoming so fascinated that that get deeply into it.
It’s all very disturbing.
There’s great beauty in a child’s innocence.
Exposure to disturbing and ‘evil’ elements is NOT a requirement for the development of a child.
Tom, I have a mental trick for thoughts and feelings I don’t want inside me. I imagine wrapping them in sheets of white, thin fine silk–and just keep wrapping until I can’t feel them or be aware of them anymore. It really works.
Then you can imagine that cocoon of silk with the bad stuff inside exploding in a billion tiny pieces that get scattered far into the universe.
Try it — it works :-)
Oh and one last thought. A clever guy once said “The worst things in my life never happened.” Think it might be Mark Twain. Definately a good idea to not imagine bad stuff and have these mental movies going on in your head.
Take care Tom16 and thanks for writing.
Mike.
hi mike, i m from india. i m also facing the same prob. i read all wat u said, but thing which i read will not last long much in my mind, after few days i will forget them and again face the same problem.
can u explain ur solution part in a better way.
Hi “myself”
I don’t know your specific problem so I’ll just talk about the case I mentioned in the article.
If the information lasts a few days I think that’s great! I suggest re-reading to remind yourself every few days til you “own it”
In my friends case, there are 2 components to his problem.
1. Belief that the unwanted thoughts serve him and warn of real danger.
2. Inability to choose the focus of attention.
1. If your fear is irrational, it means you need to use reason to fully understand how and why it’s irrational which will open the door to you being able to let go of it. For this you need to talk to others… friends, close family, trusted advisors etc until you understand that your fear is irrational. This is the easiest bit :-)
2. You need to choose the focus of your attention. To remove unwanted thoughts you need to consistently redirect your attention away from the thoughts you don’t want. You cannot fight them or stop them arising. It’s simply a matter of letting them come and go but not empowering them with your attention.
The single most powerful technique to teach you to do this is meditation. Do a little research and find a simple method that appeals to you. The method is not the important thing. Practice for 30 minutes every day and you’ll rapidly begin to untangle you sense of ‘I’ from thought, and you’ll be able to gain power over your attention. Attention is everything.
I can’t say it much better than that :-) If you give me some more details of your problem, I may be able to add some other ideas.
Thanks for your question and good luck! Let me know if I can help you further,
Mike.
Hi Mike,
Thanks a lot.
I like ur 2nd point.
“To remove unwanted thoughts you need to consistently redirect your attention away from the thoughts you don’t want. You cannot fight them or stop them arising. It’s simply a matter of letting them come and go but not empowering them with your attention.”
I immmediately able to do dat,
Bcoz of this, these thoughts does not affect me that much now.
but i always get scared,may be some other new -ve thoughts come to my mind, basically my heart become weaker by all these -ve thougths. coz mind continously try to think some other new -ve thought which can affect me and i also think very deeply abt any matter,which is also affecting me.
when these thoughts try to affect me,one more thing i do .I start counting table of 19,since i found it diffcult.
I m also reading books Like “Art of living”
But now i m quite normal by those of u r line which i mentioned above.
and as far as meditation is concern ,i used to concentrate on breathing in the morning for 25-30 min.
I found this Article, Great!!!!!!!!
Its Really Nice,can i have u r Email Id?.
Warm Wishes,
Myself
Hi “Myself”
So glad you were able to get immediate relief. It’s a powerful process for sure.
Regarding the fear of further negative thoughts…
This is just another thought-feeling in disguise. It’s not “you” either, just as the other unwanted thoughts aren’t you.
So the same technique applies. Don’t empower it with your attention but don’t fight it either.
Fighting it is just more attention.
I hope you keep up the meditation. It’s a wonderful thing :-)
Yes, I’ll write to you so you’ll have my email ID, it’s not a secret but we can’t put it on the web because of the spam bots! Grrr :-)
Mike.
P.S. I LOVE your 19 times table idea!! Can I use it for my book?! :-)
I usually advise just redirecting attention to something in the present moment say… birds chirping.
But powerful thought-feelings do need a powerful solution. Some find a mantra is great… or 19 times table!
Good stuff,
Mike.
Hi Mike:
Just stumbled upon your web site recently. Great site! I just had a quick question re your article on getting rid of unwanted thoughts. I too have thoughts like those, and have tried all sorts of things eg, herbs, etc, all to no avail UNTIL I recently started meditating. It really seems to be helping. What I was wondering is 1) how long and how often and 2) what type? I’m told putting a plug in your right nostril (Khalsa Yoga meditation) works better for OCD as the left nostril feeds the right side of the brain, where emotions and anxiety, etc are rooted.
Any thoughts?
Thx
Hi Drew!
1) 30 minutes a day works wonders. If you’re super keen, do 2 sessions a day for example, one in the morning, one in the evening — dawn and dusk are optimal times.
2) The method is not the important thing — which is that you have a focus and that you are aware of what that focus is. Having said that, I seem to get the best results with passage meditation. This is slowly saying an inspirational spiritual passage mentally.
This is great for keeping track of “where you are” because as you know, it’s all to easy to get lost in thought.
3) I wouldn’t plug any nostrils. The meditation is the thing with the greatest power. Alternate nostril breathing is a great thing to do though to create balance. You could do some pranayama for five minutes as a prelim to the meditation.
If you have time, asana, pranayama, meditation is a great sequence!
Let me know how you get on or if you need any more help.
Mike.
Hi Mike:
Thanks for getting back to me. I’ll try and do two sessions as you suggest, plus read Habit Guide which I just purchased. I’ll also try passage meditation and see if that helps as well.
Thanks again, and I’ll let you know what I think of your book!
Drew
Very good post. So much of our lives are governed by the way we think. Brian Tracy says that “we are what we think about most of the time”. This is based on the law of correspondance, which means our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Once again.. great post!!
I found some understanding at last i thought I was the only weird one but it seems to be happening to others.I go to church pray when i get this bad thought and fear that seems to come out of no where.I will not get consumed by them I will arise from all this and be a motivational speaker some day to help others that feel traped.I will start mediation and see how it goes i have the power to overcome these thoughts.